For whatever reason, the August blog has been harder for me to write. It could be the new job, long vacation or regular life getting in the way, but I am committed to getting this out there. So, here goes….
Time to think…. I had more of this than usual on our trip to Greece. Sometimes it’s a blessing and sometimes it’s a curse. Often when I have that time, my mind can go into a million different directions where I ask:
“What if I took this job?”
“Was moving the right choice?”
“Will my son end up in therapy forever because of this time I yelled at him?”
It gets overwhelming and scary. And quite honestly, is what can lead me down the road to an all-out panic attack when I am not careful. When I get in those moments, I try to think about Joseph. We can find his story in Genesis. (I have some links embedded, but I encourage you to read Genesis 37-50 on your own.)
Joseph had lots of brothers, and his father Jacob, loved him the most. Now, when you have more than one kid, there are standards about not having favorites. However, parents are humans, so it happens. I imagine if Malachi wasn’t the only child I birthed, I would have those struggles. But, I digress.
We know the story. Joseph had dreams where his brothers bowed to him. Jacob gave Joseph this beautiful coat, which probably boosted his ego to the point where his older brothers got sick of him, so they sold him into slavery. That is some real hatred and jealousy. To sell your own brother to people knowing he would probably be killed? Can you imagine? Either his brothers were terrible people or Joseph was a true brat; I would guess a little of both. And being the youngest, I know that sometimes we can get beside ourselves and act out. I am sure there was a time or two where my siblings wanted to sell me.
Anyway, as I think about this story, I wonder how Joseph’s mind wandered about some of his own personal choices as he was going through life being sold and mistreated. I imagine Joseph was quickly humbled, so much so that he probably felt he only had God to lean on.
It makes me think of my lowest times (some of which you may have read about in previous blogs), that were usually caused by my poor choices, which led to negative consequences, which basically forced me to God. No one likes negative consequences, but as a Christian, it is so awesome to know that those consequences will be used for good. Somehow God takes the temptations and sin that Satan was trying to use for evil and turns them into good.
Let’s think about Joseph’s story. The very people who tried to kill him are the people he saved. They came to him, and once they realized who he was, were scared of their own consequences. I mean, they sold him and by this time he was living in a palace. In their human minds, they could not imagine why Joseph would have mercy on them. And to be honest, I get it. That concept is overwhelming to think about. However, I believe Joseph matured in those years. In fact, had they not sold him, he probably would have become and arrogant man. I think Joseph knew that, and I think his mercy was him demonstrating the same mercy God had on him.
In that moment, Joseph had a choice. He held the power and favor of our Heavenly Father. Contrary to the choices he made when he had the power and favor of his earthly father, Joseph told his brothers this:
19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. Genesis 50:19-21
So, when you find yourself asking “what if” and thinking “I hate that I did that” remember that you are giving God material to work with. Sometimes our worst moments are the ones God loves to use the most. I can almost hear Him say to Satan, "you thought you ruined my child, but watch me work!"
-Rae of Faith
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