Thank God for Peter and Mercy

Blog 3…. Here we go.  When I felt God’s urge to write, I wasn’t sure where stories would come from or how I would sustain it. I had a few ideas to share my experiences about poor life choices I had made that caused pain, which provide examples of God’s merciful redemption. While these stories have served as great reminders of how God redeems, I didn’t want Rae of Faith to only be about my negative times. I also want this to be a place where we can learn how the Bible is still applicable today.  This takes me to today’s blog. 

Here I sit, 5 days away from my target date to post, and I still can’t articulate my thoughts the way I want to.  I have been putting the reminders in my phone, praying about it daily, yet I am in a major writer’s block. Ugh!! The idea to discuss Peter’s lack of faith came a while ago, but my imposter syndrome is showing itself as I try to communicate my thoughts about Peter.  I am not a Bible expert, so sometimes Satan tries to trick me into thinking I shouldn’t write posts that interpret scripture. That being said, I need some grace from ya’ll as you read.

As a child growing up in church, I can confidently say I missed the whole point.  The older I get, the more I realize how common this is.  For me, a lot contributed to my ignorance: lack of faith, stubbornness, and the fact that faith is easier said than done. From the earliest I can remember, each time I opened the Bible, I was searching for things I could relate to.  As an adult, I did this even more often and usually ended up relating to the woman caught in adultery or the woman at the well. Then I would condemn myself for relating to the “worst” Bible characters, and feeling ashamed, go back to my same cycle of sin, feeling as though Jesus could not or should not redeem me.  If I am being completely honest, that was the easy way out. It allowed me to bury my hurt and not deal with the sin that trapped me.  It took me a long time and daily time in the Word to have Jesus determine my perspective in how I read and study the Bible. Unfortunately, I still struggle with this, but God is patient with me.

Anyway, a few months ago (I hate how recently this actually happened), I was in my daily quiet time with the Lord. I was reading in Matthew 14:22-33, where Jesus walked on water.  This is a story I read and heard often growing up; but for whatever reason, my eyes were suddenly opened to a bigger picture that day. As I read and listened on my trusty Bible app, I felt this strange feeling, so I read and listened again and again.  Suddenly it dawned on me…. Jesus had Peter walk on water and Peter STILL didn’t have faith. As terrible as this sounds to say, I found so much comfort in Peter’s lack of faith.  Please, read on before you judge me. 

Let me provide some context for what is happening at this point in the Bible. 

In Matthew chapter 14, we read about John the Baptist dying, then the miracle of Jesus feeding 5,000 men (and the unmentioned 10,000-15,000+ women and children) with 5 loaves and 2 fish. During this miracle, the disciples not only watched, they helped pass out the food.  Then, right after feeding all of the people at the largest family dinner ever, Jesus was tired so he went to talk to His Father. I like to imagine he said, “Hey disciples, get in the boat, go to the other side, I will meet you there.” (As a side note, I am not sure how the disciples thought Jesus would get there if they were taking the boat. But they were probably too tired to care.)

A little while later, Jesus finished praying and came down to where the boat was. By this time, the boat was well into the water because of the strong winds. Even with the strong winds, Jesus decided to walk to the boat, which again was in the middle of the water. During this time, the winds also woke the sleeping disciples. When they awoke, they looked up to see Jesus walking on water and thought he was a ghost. Needless to say, between the storm and a man walking on water, they were scared.

Jesus was like-no, I am Jesus.  And this is the part where I really start to relate to Peter because he said, “Jesus, if that is you, make me walk on water.” If I were Jesus, I would probably have had an attitude about the fact that Peter just saw me feed 20,000 people with some bread and fish. But, Jesus is so understanding and forgiving He just told Peter to get out and walk.  Again, I so relate to Peter in this moment because Jesus is literally conducting a miracle using Peter and he STILL loses faith. As Peter is walking on the water, he took his eyes off Jesus for 1 moment. In that 1 moment, he lost his footing and called out to Jesus-“SAVE ME!”

Of course Jesus saved him, but then He called Peter out on his mess. “Why did you lose faith? Why did you doubt me?” Which makes sense…. Because, why did Peter doubt? What else would it take to prove that Jesus was Jesus if Peter was just walking on water 2 seconds ago? Yet, that is when Peter and the disciples were like-wow, you really are Jesus. All of the miracles they witnessed, and they still didn’t get it.

How often do we all do this? I know I can be in the middle of a miracle moment, then take my eyes off Jesus, and when I start to sink, I cry out-“SAVE ME!” Sometimes when life is going really well (those mountaintop experiences), we take our eyes off of God for more than a moment. Then all of a sudden, here comes the valley, and we frantically start grasping for His hand. When will we learn?

As I said, I am so thankful for Peter doubting the way he did.  Sounds crazy and maybe even sinful, but it helps me remember that God loves us all, regardless of how much faith we have-He will even accept a mustard seed size.  If someone like Peter, who watched and participated in miracles struggled with faith, I know I will struggle. I don’t need to hate myself for it anymore.  Rather, I will seek forgiveness, and I will strive to do better. 

If you made it this far, thank you for giving me your time.  This writing style is different from my norm, so I appreciate your patience as I continue to develop as a writer and Christian. I pray we are all able to keep our eyes on Jesus, even when we think we have it all under control.  Perhaps those are the moments we need to be especially focused on Jesus.

-Rae of Faith